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As Carrie reluctantly approaches her 35th birthday, Doug bribes neighborhood construction workers to hoot and holler at her in order to make her feel younger.

Doug tries to find his roots when Deacon snubs him for a new Black friend; Carrie's manicurist refuses to see her.

Doug's elation at winning two tickets to the NCAA Final Four turns to guilt when Carrie prompts him to take Arthur instead of Deacon.

Holly is upset when she learns Carrie was using her to have access to her van; Doug has an argument with a waitress who takes too long to deliver his food.

The library has no record of Jerry returning a book he took out in 1971.

Jerry and his friends lose their car in the multilevel parking garage at a huge mall.

Jerry's attempt to increase business at a small café backfires; George regrets agreeing to an IQ test.

Jerry is shocked to hear the naughty suggestions on his tape recorder; George sees Elaine in a new light.

Roseanne may lose her job if she and Dan take a long-awaited trip to Las Vegas.

Roseanne confronts Becky's boyfriend, Mark; Becky and Mark borrow Dan's prized motorcycle.

Roseanne confronts her neighbors when they complain that D.J. is a bad influence on their son (Troy Davidson).

Roseanne recalls her own pregnancies as she helps Crystal through Lamaze.

Bert Kreischer joins Drew in the kitchen to whip up his favorite breakfast sandwich and dishes on his new series, "Free Bert.".

Desi Lydic ("The Daily Show") hits the Drew's News desk to cover the headlines.

Aunt Bee and Howard both decide to run for the office of town councilman.

Helen and her teenage students convince the principal the younger generation is no different from his own.

Opie and his friend find an abandoned baby and run into trouble when they try to find it some new parents.

Howard, a nonfisherman, antagonizes the town's sportsmen by catching the biggest fish in the lake.

Hawkeye and Trapper, with an assist from Radar, make up a fictitious captain in order to donate his salary to an orphanage.

The doctors conspire to retire a gung-ho colonel whose military exploits are making the hospital busier than usual.

Hawkeye writes to his father detailing Radar's attempts at passing an exam and a sudden cooling of affections between Frank and Margaret.

Matt joins a trail drive to prevent a conflict between the drivers and some hide-cutters.

Matt befriends a 13-year-old Mexican boy who believes the marshal can rid his village of a group of bandits.

A bizarre attempted robbery by two bumbling hill-country brothers turns into a comedy of errors.

After Matt is forced to kill a crooked gambler, his vengeful father sets out to kill Matt.

A small, ornery Irishman (John McLiam) named O'Quillian spreads dissension in Dodge City.

The entire town is shocked when they discover that Otis, the town drunk, is a direct descendant of a Revolutionary War hero.

Andy and Barney find out that the state inspector is a stickler for rules. Andy wins the inspector over when he manages to apprehend a shooter without any injuries.

Ellie takes pity on Frankie, the shy daughter of a farmer, and decides to give her a makeover, much to the displeasure of her gruff father.

Andy, tasked with serving an eviction notice on the Scobey family, tries his best to save them from getting evicted from their home.

Barney becomes increasingly suspicious of the new farmer in town. Andy agrees to pay him a visit and finds himself pulled into an unforgettable experience.

Raymond learns that a local sports radio broadcaster dislikes him after Ray offers to be on his show.

Robert proposes to Amy; Ray meets Amy's ultraconservative parents.

Debra convinces Ray to take his turn at disciplining the twins.

Ray enjoys his volunteer work at the hospital because the patients treat him like a celebrity; Debra comes to regret her decision to force her husband to volunteer at the hospital.

Amy's conservative parents catch Robert in a compromising position.

Ray persuades Robert to botch an invitation assignment so Amy will let him off the hook with their wedding plans, but the scheme backfires.

When Ray drops off Ally for a sleepover, he gets the idea that his nemesis in the cookie drive is making a pass at him.

Carrie is overcome with guilt when she gets a digital music player for free because of the cashier's inattention.

Spence pretends to be Carrie's husband at a work event when a client finds Doug to be disagreeable; Arthur's upset he isn't the center of attention.

When Carrie discovers that her and Doug's ski weekend getaway was motivated by a promotion for a free plasma TV that Doug wants, her romantic mood sours.

When their neighbor passes away, Carrie convinces Doug it would be a smart investment to buy the house and sell it for profit.