KDIT-CD

Jim brings his new pet, an over-the-hill racehorse, to the garage.

Oscar arranges for Felix to cover an international wrestling match.

It's a matter of principal versus principle when Emily refuses to skip one of her students ahead two grades at the elementary school where she teaches, despite the prodding of the school's principal.

Max and 99 discover that a guru is plotting a wide-scale hypnotizing scheme.

Ralph tries to get New Year's Eve off work to go to a party.

Bilko is blamed when a chimpanzee is inducted.

John Byner and Petula Clark head downtown to the show; along with classic characters, The Old Folks and Alice Portnoy, TV commercial spoofs and the firing of Donald Duck are on tap tonight.

Dobie feigns illness to win a beautiful nurse.

After Walter greatly exaggerates Miss Brooks' carpentry skills, Connie is put in charge of rebuilding the garage that Mr. Conklin's electrical skills exploded.

A smart-mouthed creature, ALF (aka Alien Life Form), crash-lands in a suburban garage. His spaceship is beyond repair, he's ugly, he's short, he's got a bad attitude. What's a family to do? Why, take in the furry creature, of course, and watch as he comments on humankind and tries to eat the cat -- a delicacy on his home planet of Melmac.

Willie (Max Wright) talks to a psychologist (Bill Daily) about ALF.

Carter tries to make Gomer's "last days" as comfortable as possible.

Grandpa Pyle gives Gomer a good luck charm which "helps" his self-confidence.

Carter is determined to break the long-term contracts that both he and Gomer signed with a dance studio.

Granny opens her own doctor's office when a doctor refuses to believe she has a cure for the common cold.

The richest woman in the world meets some stiff opposition from Jed when she insists on buying the Clampett mansion.

The Clampetts are unimpressed with the costly champion racehorse Drysdale buys them as an investment.

Banker Drysdale persuades his wife to accept Granny's challenge to a horse-and-buggy race.

A Russian emigre and his visiting brother, who's hoping to defect, appear in court after causing a disturbance at a circus.

Billie helps Harry celebrate his birthday and an unexpected guest arrives in the form of a gun-toting burglar.

Dan is embarrassed when his country-bumpkin parents (Jeanette Nolan, John McIntire) visit.

Four mental patients charged with defrauding a cab driver escape from their psychiatrist after appearing in court.

Norm is the "love target" of his obsessive former secretary.

Sam enlists Carla and Norm to help him race Robin's yacht in the Boston Regatta.

Alexis Smith guest stars as Rebecca's former college professor -- and Sam's new love interest.

Cliff's storehouse of irrelevant facts is tested when he becomes a contestant on "Jeopardy!".

Bob is faced with the possibility that his younger sister may move in with Howard.

Bob takes two of his therapy groups to a rustic retreat for a marathon session that never progresses further than everyone's complaints about the primitive conditions of their accommodations.

Max's undercover role causes his friends to think that he has gone bananas.

Max's friend, Sid Krimm, comes to the rescue to retrieve a list of KAOS agents.

Sledge acts as Capt. Trunk's bodyguard after the captain is threatened by mobsters.

Sledge (David Rasche) learns that an amorous district attorney (Janice Lynde) is the leader of a group of renegade policemen. David Leisure also guest stars.

Heavyweight boxing champion Joe Louis is featured on the classic quiz show.

Professional boxer Archie Moore is featured on the classic quiz show.

David baby-sits a 7-month-old infant.

Ricky is criticized by Ozzie and Harriet for not being more social.

The Harper family competes on "Family Feud.".

A tough cruise director (Diane Ladd) takes charge; a husband (Bert Convy) dons a dress to spy on his wife (Patty Duke); Doc's romance crumbles.

A paraplegic former tennis pro meets her critic, a sportswriter; a Mexican stowaway creates havoc; a practical joker learns a lesson.

Norman's wife walks out on him, then returns unexpectedly.

The Rev. Pickert tries to do a good deed, but it backfires. "Love and the Big Date": Bill and Hank vie for a date with the same girl on a game show.

Harold Gould hires an actress to help him get out of an impulsive engagement.

Holly and Paul re-enact their first meeting; Howard visits Phyllis' father in jail to ask for her hand.

A high school senior falls head over heels in love with Sam.

Goober helps an author and his wife who have just moved to Mayberry.

Aunt Bee falls for the captain while on a cruise.

Aunt Bee has second thoughts after a ship's captain proposes.

Just when Joey gets a date to play with the Harlem Globetrotters, members of the household catch the measles.

Joey considers abandoning his career as a comic after he bombs on stage.

Danny embarks on his first date since the death of his wife that results in romance.

D.J.'s favorite cousin (Kirk Cameron) comes for a visit, but ends up spending most of his time with Danny.

Greg tries a new hair tonic just before graduation he bought to help his little brother, but it turns his hair orange.

Bill takes Buffy to a resort hotel on Puerto Rico.

Danny puts Rusty in a ticket-selling contest.

Donna insists her marriage has become dull and routine.

Uncle Charley buys a trotting horse in hopes of recapturing old racing glories.

While Robbie is on military maneuvers, each member of his family inadvertently winds up as a military prisoner.

Lucy nurses Sammy Davis Jr. after a series of blows to his nose.

Lucy can't remember the name of a man who claims to have been in love with her.

Lucy appears in Hedda Hopper's gossip column.

Lucy hears that Ricky's movie will be shelved.

An underworld figure involves Rob, Sally and Buddy in an unusual writing assignment.

Mary tries to keep smiling through some bad luck.

Fonzie reluctantly agrees to become a partner in one of Howard's inventions.

"The Dating Game" selects Lenny and Squiggy as contestants.

A cruise to China brings mystery and romance to crew and passengers; guests John Forsythe, Ursula Andress, Linda Evans.

A China cruise brings mystery and romance to crew and passengers; guests Lee Majors, Michael Constantine, Lee Horsley.

A burglar on the loose in Beverly Hills tries to deceive the Clampetts before robbing their mansion.

Granny discovers an ostrich gulping tomatoes in her backyard and thinks it's a giant chicken.

Mama and Eunice share confidences in jail.

Mama goes to work for a travel agency.

Fred's new color television set may be the same one that was stolen from Grady.

Lamont and Rolla go into a gay bar by mistake during a night out on the town.

Gloria goes into labor in an Italian restaurant and becomes stuck. It appears she may have her baby in the phone booth.

Edith and Archie arrive at the hospital and alarmed when they learn that Mike and Gloria have not yet arrived. Meanwhile, Gloria is rescued from the phone booth and later arrives at the hospital and soon must battle through a slow delivery.

Joy meets a great guy in the waiting room of her therapist; Elka tries to train a rescue dog; Victoria attempts to jump-start her career.

Melanie dates a basketball coach for the Cavaliers; Victoria takes a job as a local news personality; Joy gets engaged to a homeless man (Jon Lovitz).

At the insistence of a domineering guest star, Rob takes over as producer of "The Alan Brady Show.".

Rob's and Laura's parents compete for the couple's favor in the choice of which family plot to be buried in.

Rebecca is on cloud nine following an enchanting evening with Robin Colcord (Roger Rees), much to Sam's chagrin.

Sam faces a moral dilemma as he debates telling Rebecca about Robin's (Roger Rees) cheating ways.

Tony is placed in a difficult situation when an aging boxer challenges him to a fight.

Invoking his ESP, Felix warns a skeptical Oscar not to attend a banquet.

Jerry suggests that all the doctors in the building form a co-op to treat each other for free. This leads to chaos and hostility that find expression in Bob's special all-doctor therapy group.

When a KAOS agent with a Maxwell Smart mask shoots a bank guard, Max gets blamed.

Ralph sees baby clothes Alice made for some extra money and thinks they're having a baby, so he gets a job as a Santa Claus to make enough cash to support a family.

Furloughed Bilko tries to avoid Joan in New York.

Guest Gloria Swanson arrives for the Q&A, but she only has eyes for Lyle; sketches include a "Carol & Sis" where the Bradfords try to discourage an elevator operator who only has eyes for Carol.

A girl's policeman father objects to Dobie.

Mrs. Davis gets in trouble for unwittingly selling phony tickets to the Policeman's Ball around school, including to Mr. Coklin who wants to win a charity award.

Billie Jo enters the family dog into a pet food company's contest.

An office prank leaves Don with no street clothes.

The clan struggles to adjust to life without Jesse. He returns back home when Michelle gets sick.

Programming to be announced.

Programming to be announced.

Programming to be announced.

An old friend of Millie's promises to make her a Hollywood star.

Vint agrees to marry a Portuguese woman so she can get legal U.S. status.

Fred succumbs to Donna's pressures and agrees to get married, but his family has other ideas; Fred and Donna plan to wed in a private ceremony at the Sanford home, and Lamont uses this as a ploy to try to get rid of Donna.

Fred donates a collection of rare jazz albums to a music library in order to get a tax write-off.

It looks like Archie has turned over a new leaf when he befriends a Jewish man.

Mike may miss an opportunity for a promotion because of his race.

The women go looking for Elka in Amish country; Joy faces deportation; Victoria finds herself accepted in the Amish community.

The son Joy gave up stops by for a surprise visit; the women are on alert when Victoria's prison pen pal heads their way.

A painting of Laura resurfaces -- but this time she is not wearing any clothes.

A night with an Army buddy lands Rob in jail.

Rebecca's plans for a romantic day with Robin are ruined when Robin enters into a game of one-upmanship with Sam at the bar.

Carla's low estimation of Eddie's estate leads her to agree to a 50-50 split with his other widow (Anne De Salvo).

Romantic sparks start to fly uncontrollably when Latka meets Simka Dahblitz, who is from his native country.

Oscar accuses the director of Felix's creative-writing class of fraudulent advertising.

As Howard prepares to introduce Howie to Ellen, he tries to mold Ellen into an image the boy will like.

Max and 99 are mistaken for KAOS agents and receive a doll that is very valuable to KAOS.

Part 1/2. Ralph thinks Alice is having an affair, but she is actually meeting with a TV producer to get him on "This Is Your Life.".

Hall sends a tough sergeant to take care of Bilko's easygoing platoon.

Guests: Tim Conway, Steve Lawrence.

Dobie competes with a junior tycoon for a girl.

Connie backs into Mr. Conklin's car, pushing it down a hill and into a fruit stand, and then scrambles to come up with money to cover the repairs; Conklin decides to trade his wreck in for another vehicle at the garage.

Betty Jo's Japanese pen pal Nobuko, comes for a visit to the United States and stays at the Shady Rest.

Ann's visiting uncle wreaks havoc.

D.J. wins tickets to meet the Beach Boys, but can't decide whom to take.

D.J. is grounded by Joey -- preventing her from attending a karate tournament.

Programming to be announced.

Vint hocks Mama's silver to get enough cash to bail a friend out of jail.

Fred's buddies turn his house into a pool hall when Lamont buys him a pool table.

Grady is sick of being a boarder for the bickering Ferguson's and vents his frustrations to Fred.

Archie is not pleased when he is told by his doctor that he must lose 25 pounds. Edith tries to help keep him on a healthy diet, but Archie turns to Kelsey for unhealthy food.

Gloria's 24-hour-a-day job as a new mother doesn't leave much time for Mike.

The ladies fix each other up on dates; Elka plays dumb to get a rich bachelor; Roy helps the ladies.

Melanie forms a band to compete in a battle of the bands; Joy catches the attention of a band rival.

Rob and Laura suspect the worst when they spy Jerry dining out with another woman.

Programming to be announced.

Cheers once again lags behind in the annual St. Patrick's Day practical joke contest.

Woody decides to elope after misconstruing Sam's advice; Norm pulls designated driver duty.

Bobby's new manager is more interested in his talents as a lover than his acting abilities.

Felix is told he can direct a razor commercial on television provided he can get football star Deacon Jones to appear in it.