KDIT-CD

Vint agrees to marry a Portuguese woman so she can get legal U.S. status.

Fred succumbs to Donna's pressures and agrees to get married, but his family has other ideas; Fred and Donna plan to wed in a private ceremony at the Sanford home, and Lamont uses this as a ploy to try to get rid of Donna.

Fred donates a collection of rare jazz albums to a music library in order to get a tax write-off.

It looks like Archie has turned over a new leaf when he befriends a Jewish man.

Mike may miss an opportunity for a promotion because of his race.

The women go looking for Elka in Amish country; Joy faces deportation; Victoria finds herself accepted in the Amish community.

The son Joy gave up stops by for a surprise visit; the women are on alert when Victoria's prison pen pal heads their way.

A painting of Laura resurfaces -- but this time she is not wearing any clothes.

A night with an Army buddy lands Rob in jail.

Rebecca's plans for a romantic day with Robin are ruined when Robin enters into a game of one-upmanship with Sam at the bar.

Carla's low estimation of Eddie's estate leads her to agree to a 50-50 split with his other widow (Anne De Salvo).

Romantic sparks start to fly uncontrollably when Latka meets Simka Dahblitz, who is from his native country.

Oscar accuses the director of Felix's creative-writing class of fraudulent advertising.

As Howard prepares to introduce Howie to Ellen, he tries to mold Ellen into an image the boy will like.

Max and 99 are mistaken for KAOS agents and receive a doll that is very valuable to KAOS.

Part 1/2. Ralph thinks Alice is having an affair, but she is actually meeting with a TV producer to get him on "This Is Your Life.".

Hall sends a tough sergeant to take care of Bilko's easygoing platoon.

Guests: Tim Conway, Steve Lawrence.

Dobie competes with a junior tycoon for a girl.

Connie backs into Mr. Conklin's car, pushing it down a hill and into a fruit stand, and then scrambles to come up with money to cover the repairs; Conklin decides to trade his wreck in for another vehicle at the garage.

Betty Jo's Japanese pen pal Nobuko, comes for a visit to the United States and stays at the Shady Rest.

Ann's visiting uncle wreaks havoc.

D.J. wins tickets to meet the Beach Boys, but can't decide whom to take.

D.J. is grounded by Joey -- preventing her from attending a karate tournament.

Programming to be announced.

Vint hocks Mama's silver to get enough cash to bail a friend out of jail.

Fred's buddies turn his house into a pool hall when Lamont buys him a pool table.

Grady is sick of being a boarder for the bickering Ferguson's and vents his frustrations to Fred.

Archie is not pleased when he is told by his doctor that he must lose 25 pounds. Edith tries to help keep him on a healthy diet, but Archie turns to Kelsey for unhealthy food.

Gloria's 24-hour-a-day job as a new mother doesn't leave much time for Mike.

The ladies fix each other up on dates; Elka plays dumb to get a rich bachelor; Roy helps the ladies.

Melanie forms a band to compete in a battle of the bands; Joy catches the attention of a band rival.

Rob and Laura suspect the worst when they spy Jerry dining out with another woman.

Programming to be announced.

Cheers once again lags behind in the annual St. Patrick's Day practical joke contest.

Woody decides to elope after misconstruing Sam's advice; Norm pulls designated driver duty.

Bobby's new manager is more interested in his talents as a lover than his acting abilities.

Felix is told he can direct a razor commercial on television provided he can get football star Deacon Jones to appear in it.

Bob gives up most of his private practice to become the staff psychologist with a major insurance company. He soon learns that it's possible for a man in the corporate world to do his job too well.

The Chief tries to impress a magazine reporter in hopes of giving CONTROL a better image.

Part 2/2. When Ralph and Norton find airline tickets, they think Alice is planning on running away with the producer of "This Is Your Life.".

Bilko tries a 20-mile hike to prove he's fit.

Featuring Carol and Sis, hypochondriac Harvey must avoid Carol and a take-off of the 1932 romance "Back Street.".

Dobie tries to cure Maynard's anti-work bias.

To keep an honor student from being taken away from his family that lives on an empty lot, Miss Brooks makes Conklin think he lives across the street; Connie's friends throw her a surprise party.

Homer's psychiatrist suggests that he learn to love the Cannonball.

Ann reminds a writer of his late wife.

D.J.'s family tries to cheer her up when she is rejected by a boy in her class.

A heavy fog traps the arguing Nick and Irene together with the family.

Programming to be announced.

An old friend of Millie's promises to make her a Hollywood star.

Programming to be announced.

An old friend of Millie's promises to make her a Hollywood star.

After getting a "Dear John" letter, Sgt. Carter discovers that the "other man" is Gomer.

A birdwatcher (Wally Cox) endangers Elly's romance; Jethro is hired as Dash Riprock's stunt double.

Jethro is elated, sure he's going to be twice as big a movie star as Dash Riprock, when he lands a job as Dash's double.

Professor Biddle, the meek leader of Biddle's Bird Watchers, guzzles Granny's tonic and turns into a tiger.

Jethro decides he's ready for college and enrolls in the only one that will accept him.

Selma's Florida-bound old flame (Jack Gilford) wants her to move with him.

Everyone falls under the curse of a Gypsy fortuneteller who believes she was treated unfairly in court.

A promoter encourages Bull to become a professional wrestler.

Dan's colleagues question his ulterior motives when he proposes to an awkward heiress.

Rebecca suspects Robin of an ulterior motive after she moves in with him.

Robin (Roger Rees) and Rebecca face criminal charges following an ill-fated corporate takeover attempt.

Sam denies the rumor that he has added Rebecca to his list of "conquests.".

Celtics star Kevin McHale is injured by Woody when he plays in a match as a favor to Sam.

Having preached honesty in relationships to his patients, Bob decides to follow his own advice. Immediately he offends two dinner guests and starts an argument with Emily.

Bob's first literary venture turns out to be less than triumphant. His embarrassment makes him reluctant to join a convention of psychologists on a flight to Hawaii, especially when he finds out that Howard is the navigator.

Carol announces that she's going to marry Don Fesler, an unpublished poet with bad feet, and the news brings negative reactions from her friends.

Emily's plans for a wonderful turkey dinner go downhill when Bob's mother (Martha Scott) and Emily's father (John Randolph) begin insulting one another the night before Thanksgiving.

KAOS frustrates CONTROL's every attempt to protect U.S. athletes while at their meets.

KAOS taps CONTROL's hot line and, imitating the president, orders new directives for CONTROL.

When a number of babies at the maternity ward of a local hospital vanish, Hammer and Doreau (David Rasche, Anne-Marie Martin) investigate.

Sledge becomes a contestant on a game show to investigate the reigning champion's death. Guest: Peter Marshall.

A collection of some of Groucho Marx's best moments on the game show "You Bet Your Life.".

Bodybuilders make a special appearance for Groucho Marx.

Thorny's lack of gratitude over a birthday gift confuses Ozzie.

Ann and Don accompany their eloping friends to Connecticut -- and disaster.

Ann almost ruins a surprise birthday party Don has arranged for her.

Rhoda's shy, retiring high-school chum Myrna begins a wild "nonromance" with Joe's best friend.

An old boyfriend whom Rhoda once loved asks her out for dinner.

Rhoda discovers that Joe has been visiting a doctor without telling her.

Rhoda and Brenda take Ida on her very first trip to the doctor.

A phone call from his estranged father sends Ted into emotional turmoil.

Mary's ex-boyfriend gets a job in the newsroom.

Mary promises to find separated Lou a date.

Rhoda is madly in love with the owner of the store she works in but has no idea how he feels about her.

While house sitting, Rowdies invade the roommates' beach party.

Rhonda traps the girls into playing a game of "Truth or Dare".

The roommates find they're about to wed singers after eating laced brownies.

Carmine's new comedy act has everyone laughing -- except his friends.

Ellen is named Woman of the Year by the Raytown Country Club.

Naomi thinks she is pregnant.

Vint tries to get to the bottom of Mama's mishap.

Naomi is victimized by obscene phone calls.

A woman (Mildred Natwick) tries to marry her brother to a friend (Helen Hayes); a mystery caller bothers a woman; Doc swears off women; a man falls for a protected witness; guest James MacArthur.

A wife thinks her spouse wants her dead; Isaac falls for a glamorous star; a man becomes popular when he is mistaken for a jewel thief.

When Biff and Tippy auction off their possessions prior to divorcing, they find each item valuable.

A couple finds that their cabin might contain a lot of cash; Ben and Ruth decide they need help from a marriage counselor.

A wedding date conflicts with a writer's deadline; a baker loses the girl for his cake.

A bachelor becomes an instant family man to qualify for a date with a gorgeous woman.

Goober teaches high-school driver education and collides with the principal's car.

Howard, eager to share hobbies with his new girlfriend, finds out she likes skydiving.

Mike and Harold have an argument just before the annual fishing trip.

Sam is embarrassed when his bean crop fails and Millie's prospers.

As the new school year begins, seventh grade causes problems for D.J.

When Jesse and Rebecca suffer relationship woes, the family attempts to patch things up.

Jesse and Joey want Stephanie to apologize to a boy (Whitby Hertford) she has been teasing.

Danny's mother decides to make her weekend visit a permanent stay.

When Jan develops an allergy, it is feared that she is allergic to her new father.

Bill searches the Spanish countryside for the missing twins.

Relatives clash in the Williams household.

A grateful patient's husband offers Alex an investment.

The baby stirs inside Katie, and Robbie suddenly sheds his youthful ways.

Because he's about to become a grandfather, Steve has an easier time working out a contract with a general.

Lucy tries to convince Harry that the wedding party at his house is actually a surprise birthday party for him.

Lucy goes along on a father-son camping trip.

Lucy and Ethel try to take a memento of California back to New York with them.

John Wayne helps Lucy return the cement block with his footprints.

A chorus girl on "The Alan Brady Show" falls desperately in love with Rob.

A congresswoman with whom Mary worked on a news show accepts Mary's very casual invitation to dinner.

Fonzie will have nothing more to do with his cousin Chachi after he skips school and cheats on an exam.

The girls regret writing a nasty note to their boss -- after it's been delivered to his office.

Julie falls for a singer (Engelbert Humperdinck); Doc and Gopher vie for an invalid's nurse; a man (Mark Harmon) learns about his boss.

A former film actress (Claire Trevor) meets her daughter; a widow (Arlene Dahl) falls for the ship's engineer; newlyweds predict doom.

Granny, who used to spend 10 hours a day on her party line back home, demands a party-line phone in Beverly Hills.

Granny hopes to win Elly a husband by entering an old family dish in a recipe contest and signing Elly's name to it.

The family learns Ellen dates a younger man.

Mama brings some fun to her cousin who is living in a nursing home.

Lamont goes to court after receiving what he feels is an unfair traffic ticket.

A dispute arises between Fred and Julio over the boundary dividing their properties.

A lonely Archie is flattered when flirtatious waitress gives him her number while Edith is volunteering at the Sunshine Home.

Edith becomes suspicious of Archie's behavior and confronts him when she find's Denise's number. Edith leaves Archie.

Victoria's daughter (Jennifer Love Hewitt) comes to visit; Melanie and Joy meet a secret admirer who seeks one of their hearts.

Victoria and Joy try to get revenge on Victoria's nemesis; Melanie's new boyfriend likes her feet.

Rob and Laura are unaware that their teenage baby sitter has a crush on Laura.

Rob's friendship with Jerry is almost destroyed in a row over a neighbor's crab grass lawn.

The gang has reservations about Sam's desire to rehire Rebecca.

Rebecca is upset when the press has a field day with her former rival, who identifies herself as Robin Colcord's true love.

Tired of driving ill-fixed cabs, the cabbies go on strike; Louie offers a solution.

Oscar and Felix are invited to appear on a TV game show.

Bob forms an all-women consciousness-raising group. He gets kicked out after Emily joins and inadvertently points out some of the unliberated areas in their own marriage.

Max and 99 team up with agent Samuels in a search for a mysterious spy.

Part 1/2. The Kramdens and Nortons buy a summer cottage.

Bilko wishes he weren't bald when Joan dates a wavy-haired corporal.

Guests Anthony Newley and Dick Martin are anything but clueless in tonight's tribute to detectives in the movies; Carol and Vicki are single and ready to mingle in a sketch set in a singles bar.

Dobie tries to prevent a classmate from dropping out.

After hearing Mr. Boynton say he'll marry when he's too old to enjoy anything else, Miss Brooks schemes with Angela to make him feel ancient.

Charley and Floyd are sent to pick apples for Kate's special recipe.

Milton Berle and Danny Thomas want to buy Ann's old trunk.

Joey gets a chance to appear on "Star Search"; Michelle wants to sleep in her ballerina skirt.

The girls fall in love with a stray dog, unaware that the pup is pregnant.

Jesse accepts a challenge to attempt a dangerous motorcycle stunt atop a tall building.

Jesse, Stephanie and Michelle get trapped in a gas station just as Michelle's birthday party is about to begin.

Mike and Carol are having difficulty adjusting their two families to living in one house.

Bill searches the Spanish countryside for the missing twins.

Everyone is puzzled when Danny acquires a more mild personality.

Donna learns a retiring doctor wants to keep working.

Uncle Charley (William Demarest) prepares himself as a baby nurse by hiring himself out as a baby sitter.

Expectant Katie (Tina Cole) is distressed by her hugeness until she learns she is to have more than one baby.

Lucy discovers a horror chamber in Vincent Price's house.

Lucy loses a contact lens in a chocolate cake made for a charity sale.

When Ricky refuses to entertain at a studio party, Lucy accepts in his place.

Ricky sells his car and the Mertzes think they are being stranded in California.

Rob gets a chilly reception from co-workers after Laura tells a visiting journalist that he is the main creative force behind "The Alan Brady Show.".

Mary tries to get Lou and his wife back together.

Marion orders Fonzie to go to the hospital for a much-needed tonsillectomy.

After breaking into their boss's office, the girls discover interesting information.

A disguised woman (Markie Post) tries to elude a detective; Julie dates a dolt; a secretary blackmails a married author (Tom Poston).

A wealthy widow holds a gambling cruise for charity; a bride wagers her wedding money; a woman drops a valuable coin in a slot machine.

Jethro falls for a waitress who gives him the brushoff until she learns he's a friend of Dash Riprock's.

Blackmailers use hidden photographic and recording devices to trap unsuspecting Jed.

Vint is sure he has a shot at stardom after winning a talent contest.

Mama's paralyzing back problems flare up just when guests start arriving for Naomi's dinner party.

Lamont takes his father to the hospital to find out why he's had so many heart attacks.

Fred has different plans when Lamont and Rollo plan a romantic evening with two girls.

An estranged Archie and Edith are determined to prove to each other that they are perfectly content going their separate ways.

Gloria tries to pressure Archie into taking Edith out for a night on the town.

This season's most memorable moments.

Melanie and Joy's plan backfires; Elka gets an unexpected proposal; Victoria gives her old flame a minor heart attack.

Rob is offered a job as humor consultant on a magazine for men-about-town.

Sally Rogers is romanced by her "secret" admirer -- the owner of Monker's Delicatessen.

Cliff has his visiting mother (Frances Sternhagen) stay at Woody's place.

Norm campaigns to save his favorite eatery, the Hungry Heifer, which is slated to close.

Shop steward Elaine settles the strike by agreeing to Louie's deal.

Oscar steps in after Felix complains of an inability to communicate with his daughter.