KPOM-CD

A born loser gets a call from a woman who thinks she has called the Suicide Help line.

An artist is incensed when his son flunks a sex-education class.

Freddy gets soaked while fixing a leaky pipe for the woman next door.

Harvey and Judy decide to get married in Las Vegas; in "Love and the Teddy Bear," Mary and Joe find their son asleep with a girl.

Emmett is threatened when a young helper does too good a job.

An old man comes to the farm claiming that he can find water with a dowsing stick.

Emmett pawns his wife's expensive diamond to play the stock market.

Goober's big brother Braden comes home to Mayberry after 14 years.

Jesse must tell his parents he wants to go into show business.

D.J. and Kimmy plot to buy themselves a horse, but don't have enough money.

Jesse asks Joey's help on a cat-food ad contest; D.J. and Stephanie get into a fight.

D.J. wins tickets to meet the Beach Boys, but can't decide whom to take.

One of Jan's practical jokes boomerangs and she becomes her own victim.

A girl-hating captain dumps Buffy from the stickball team.

Lauritz Melchior and Shirley Jones guest star as a father-daughter musical team.

Alex and Donna think Mary is out after curfew.

Steve (Fred MacMurray) reluctantly agrees to be a model for a fashion show, then refuses at the last minute.

Chip (Stanley Livingston) becomes ill after eating Polly's (Ronne Troup) cooking, and she believes it would be better if he left her.

Lucy robs a bank and fur salon thinking she's on a TV game show.

Lucy discovers a singing farmhand (Wayne Newton).

Lucy reads in the paper that Ricky is interested in a chorus girl. After Lucy finds a dancer's black lace in Ricky's pocket -- which he put there during a rehearsal -- Lucy decides to work her way into Ricky's show to see what he's doing.

The girls begin knitting socks for Ricky and Fred, who they believe have been drafted and are heading to war. The men think that the knitting means the girls are pregnant. They wind up arranging surprise parties for each other on the same night.

Rob tries to attend Laura's family reunion without anyone finding out that he is sick.

Ted takes advantage of Lou's new image as the office "pussycat.".

Richie is arrested and charged with being the infamous "kissing bandit" of Milwaukee.

The girls' blind dates are bank robbers and plan to rob the bank next to the Pizza Bowl.

Doc falls for a radio psychologist; a gambler (Thom Bray) risks love; a woman wants to retire her spouse's (Donald O'Connor) orangutan.

A disguised rock star faces rejection; a novelist sees Ace as the hero of her next book; two lovers celebrate their 10th anniversary.

Birdwatcher Jane Hathaway hikes into the woods and finds a man for Elly.

The Clampetts rehearse for Elly's wedding to backwoodsman Matthew Templeton, unaware that banker Drysdale wants it stopped.

While comedian Shecky Lewis is on stage performing at the Bigger Jigger, Mama heckles him; the comedian challenges her to perform at Open Mike Night on Monday.

Bubba is looking for a band for Homecoming, and succeeds in booking the Bonecrushers; after telliing the family that the band will be staying with them, it turns out the Bonecrushers are an all-female heavy metal band.

Three jewel thieves plan to use Fred as their mule to smuggle their stolen gems out of Hawaii to California.

While at a convention in Hawaii, Fred is an unwitting jewel smuggler.

Archie and Edith introduce a rich widow to Barney Hefner after his wife runs away again.

Archie's brother Fred returns after recovering from heart surgery and convinces Archie to invest $5000 in a Chinese cafeteria franchise. Their new financial partnership is threatened when Archie discovers that Fred's new wife is only 18 years old.

The women are assessed to see if they can adopt a puppy; Elka's relationships with Mamie and Roy take a turn.

Melanie uses her illness to get sold-out concert tickets; Victoria starts an online romance.

Considered to be one of television's classics, "The Dick Van Dyke Show" centers on the personal and professional lives Rob Petrie, a writer on the fictional Alan Brady Show. He's happily married to former dancer Laura, and they have a young son, Ritchie. The plots generally revolve around problems at work -- where Rob got into various comedic jams with fellow writers Buddy Sorrell, Sally Rogers an

Rob talks Laura into leaving their sick son with a baby sitter while they go to a party at Alan Brady's penthouse.

Red Sox pitcher Rick Walker falls into a slump and asks his idol Sam for advice.

A shy man who is about to enter the priesthood makes advances toward Diane.

Alex and his father, who is back in town to pay a visit, both date the same girl.

Felix volunteers his and Oscar's services to take care of a small boy.

Bob strikes out against a friend's fear of falling, but succumbs to the same phobia himself when he is subjected to a harrowing experience in an elevator.

Agent 99 infiltrates a radio program to learn the identity of a KAOS agent.

Part 1/2. Ralph makes calls to single women for a friend who needs help getting a date, upsetting Alice.

Bilko learns that Congress is planning to examine wasteful military projects.

Carol's guests are Frank Gorshin and Lana Turner; Gorshin does his famous impressions, then joins up with Turner in a sketch about Bluebeard, who has just taken his unlucky 13th bride, Carol.

Dunky tells a girl that Dobie is an alcoholic.

When Miss Brooks tries to dispose some of the worthless property next to the school, she unknowingly sells the deed to the land that Madison High is sitting on.

Betty Jo has given up baseball to dedicate her life to science, or at least to her handsome new science teacher.

An insecure actor tries to buy Ann's friendship.

D.J. is grounded by Joey -- preventing her from attending a karate tournament.

Teenage D.J. gets her chance to baby-sit; Danny sets Joey and Jesse up with dates.

The family gets stuck in an airport in Colorado and has to spend Christmas there; Stephanie fears Santa won't find her.

Stephanie feels left out being the middle child so she announces marriage to get attention.

Greg admits to smoking a cigarette and promises not to do it again.

Bill asks a former western idol (Bob Steele) to speak to Jody.

Danny runs into trouble when he attempts to teach Gina the customs of American teenagers.

An invitation to a bachelor party delights Alex.

Ernie (Barry Livingston) uses the members of the Douglas household as guinea pigs for his psychology assignment.

Katie and Rob (Tina Cole, Don Grady) are bored when Grandma and the triplets go to St. Louis for a month.

Lucy can win $1,000 if she teaches a chimpanzee to perform a trick.

Lucy is discovered by some American Indians who are convinced she is their rain goddess.

Ethel finds someone to teach Lucy an Apache dance that she wants to perform in Ricky's show. The dance instructor thinks he should also be romantic to American women. When Lucy rejects his advances, he challenges Ricky to a duel.

Ethel wants Ricky to be in her benefit show, but Lucy insists that the only way to get Ricky is to let her be in it too. Ricky chooses a song for Lucy to sing, but selects one that has jokes in it where Ricky gets all the punch lines.

Rob, Sally and Buddy go on big ego trips when a national magazine wants to do a story about them.

Lou's romance with a cocktail lounge singer makes him feel 25 years younger, until he hears about her active past.

To help an orphanage, Fonzie attempts to take the place of an ailing escape artist in a magic show.

When Shirley is caught half-dressed with Squiggy, the brewery employees believe she's a "fun date.".

A psychic predicts doom; a woman and an old beau are reunited by her dead husband's design; a man discovers that he was once married.

Stubing's pending marriage upsets Vicki; a veteran football player faces being cut; a cook (Michael Winslow) has two roommates.

Elly's wedding is off, so Jed plans to buy Central Park and move to New York to find another eligible suitor.

A con man sells Central Park to the Clampetts, then unloads three other landmarks on them.

Vint learns that he is going to lose his job because Kwik Keys is going out of business; when it turns out that Mama owns ten shares of Bernice, the company that owns Kwik Keys, she sets out to stop the store from closing.

Lola and Mama (Beverly Archer, Vicki Lawrence Schultz) become enemies when they compete in a rose show.

Jewel thieves pursue Fred when they think he has abandoned their jewels.

To impress Lamont's future mother-in-law, Fred decides to get into the Book of World Records by being the man who stays awake for the longest time.

Stephanie purposely hides her past religious training from Archie.

Edith is blamed with negligence when she is the last person to be with a lady who wanted to die.

The women take the depressed dog to a pet therapist, who blames them for his bad behavior.

Victoria wants to come clean to her former NYC roommate, Maddie Banks (Kirstie Alley); Melanie, Joy and Elka cross things off their bucket lists.

Laura matches her pharmacist cousin with Rob's co-writer, Sally, for a dinner party with disastrous results.

Laura turns herself into a blonde femme fatale when she fears the romance in her marriage is fading.

Sam is in for a surprise when a sexy TV-commercial agent offers him a contract.

Diane looks to her friends for comfort when her cat dies, but finds everyone too enthralled by a Celtics game to notice.

Louie threatens to sever all ties with his mother when she announces her intention to remarry.

Felix's pet parrot takes a turn for the worse, and Oscar offers to handle the burial arrangements.

Bob's memory is taxed to the limit when he forgets that April 15th is the Federal income tax deadline, and also the date of the Hartleys' seventh wedding anniversary.

When Smart accidentally jettisons a secret package from a plane, he has to retrieve it.

Part 2/2. Norton complicates matters by lying to Alice about Ralph's matchmaking efforts.

Bilko baby-sits in a trailer for a GI on furlough.

Carol's guests are George Chakiris and Shirley Jones; Chakiris joins Carol for the Q&A; the latest Carol & Sis sketch finds Jones playing Roger's temp secretary.

To win a girl, Dobie becomes a quarterback.

Mr. Boynton fails to notice Miss Brooks' new hairdo, so she wears a series of ridiculous wigs to see if he will ever notice. Principal Conklin notices and thinks she's finally gone over the edge.

Uncle Joe buys a goat so that he can sell the milk as a hair growing balm for Hooterville's bald citizens.

Ann recalls when she was a student teacher and spent the Christmas holidays at an almost-deserted boys school.

D.J.'s family tries to cheer her up when she is rejected by a boy in her class.

A heavy fog traps the arguing Nick and Irene together with the family.

Jesse and Joey want to spend more time at home with the girls.

While trying to help D.J., Stephanie is accused of shoplifting.

Jan thinks she is being given the cold-shoulder at school because of her blonde hair. She buys a brunette wig to gain attention at a party.

French asks Bill to intercede for an aspiring-actor friend.

A cute classmate perplexes growing Rusty.

Donna insists Jeff play the trumpet.

A friend (Sal Mineo) piques Rob's interest in motorcycles.

Dodie falls for her second-grade teacher.

Harry gives Lucy a $50 per week raise.

Art Linkletter offers Lucy $100 for 24 hours of silence.

Lucy takes a job as a babysitter for a pair of mischievous twins. Their mother asks that Lucy be in a talent show with the boys and, if they win, she can keep the prize money. Lucy and the boys sing with a little dancing helped by a pet frog.

Lucy tries to arrange a match between a love-starved old lady (Bea Benaderet) and a giddy grocery man (Edward Everett Horton), but in her efforts to play Cupid, Lucy gives the grocer the idea that she has a crush on him.

Rob is forced to squelch the scheme of an opportunistic old friend.

Tension mounts when a young consultant Lou hires to boost ratings begins usurping Mary's responsibilities.

During a heated race for class president, Richie is caught at a massage parlor by his opponent.

Shirley blames Laverne for the disappearance of her sick canary.

A matador clashes with his grandson; a released convict seeks her daughter; Isaac finds a stowaway; a man woos two women.

A matador clashes with his grandson; a released convict seeks her daughter; Isaac finds a stowaway; a man woos two women.

Drysdale and Jane arrive in New York to persuade the Clampetts to return home.

Granny insists she doesn't need glasses, although she thinks a pet seal is Elly's new boyfriend.

Mama slips on a roll of pennies and sues the bank.

Mama turns sleuth to find Iola's mother.

Two con artists talk Fred into a promotion gimmick designed to increase sales in the junkyard.

Fred is chosen for a community-relations committee, and is offered a bribe.

Edith's efforts to rent out the Jeffersons' old house result in new neighbors whom she adores but Archie abhors.

Archie and Edith are devastated when Stephanie's dysfunctional father Floyd returns and demands $1000 if they want to keep Stephanie. Archie becomes convinced that Floyd is bluffing and refuses to give in to the demand, despite Edith's pleadings.

Joy and Bob go undercover as a couple; Elka has a political rival.

The women fly to Los Angeles; Elka gets campaign advice from a statistics expert; Victoria grows nervous; Joy meets a man.

While rummaging through Rob's old army equipment, Rob and Laura recall that he broke her foot the night they met.

Rob is determined to go on a business trip even though Laura wants him to see their son, Ritchie, star in a school play.

Carla tricks a man into believing he is the father of her child.

The Cheers regulars fear that the place will become a gay hangout.

Elaine sets out to cure a reclusive artist's fear of the outside world.

Oscar is suspected of foul play when no one seems to be able to find Felix.