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Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right (Denise Richards) and is pleased to learn her marriage did not work out.

Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics; things heat up between Alan and Rose.

Charlie is surprised when a woman, Gail, with whom he flirts in a bar, rejects his overtures and tells him that women around town have been comparing notes on his philandering; Jake mentions that he did an Internet search on Charlie's name and found something interesting; when Charlie logs on, he finds out that he's the subject of a very uncomplimentary new website called www.charlieharpersucks.co

Alan's homely high-school friend (Paget Brewster) returns as a beautiful woman, and the brothers quickly begin competing for her attentions.

When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.

Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.

Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.

Judith leaves Jake with Alan and Charlie while she spends a week in Hawaii, and the guys find that caring for Jake on a daily basis is much different from weekend visits.

Karen (Ann Cusack) questions the elaborate funeral arrangements planned for the old family dog. With Jeff Foxworthy, G.W. Bailey.

Jeff (Jeff Foxworthy) and his co-workers meet their new boss (Kevin Crowley), who immediately causes a potentially hazardous spill.

Trey wants to impress a potential client by re-enacting a Civil War battle; Jeff's bank believes he is dead.

When Jeff becomes the new Monster Truck Mud Bogging champion, the former titleholder steals the trophy.

Herman causes a major crisis when he chastises Spot for tracking mud into the house.

Herman and Grandpa discover a clue to the pirate treasure hidden in their backyard.

When Abishola puts her foot down about Dele not going to Nigeria with his father, Dele rebels against her for the very first time.

Bob prepares to meet Abishola's mother but gets more than he bargained for when he enlists Tunde's help in securing her approval; Abishola considers breaking Nigerian tradition by having a small wedding.

Murdoch suspects malfeasance and murder in the apparent drowning of a military recruit.

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Paid programming.

Jonathan performs a miracle for the hard-working daughter of a struggling theatrical agent.

Jonathan (Michael Landon) enlists the help of a con man when Mark (Victor French) is tricked into selling his soul to Satan.

Unexpected guests cause problems at a surprise party for Marcus (Charlie Robinson).

Malcolm's plan to renovate McGee's hits a snag when the contractor he hires knows Eddie from the Navy.

Steve (Steve Harvey) uses Regina's (Wendy Raquel Robinson) sympathy to his advantage after hurting his foot moving her couch.

A daunting interview for the position of vice principal derails Steve's confidence; Cedric pops the question to Lovita.

Mark tries to impress Vanessa's parents so they'll pay for the wedding, but he ends up embarrassing himself.

Mark (Mark Curry) takes a second job as a security guard for a child star after Vanessa (Holly Robinson Peete) is laid off.

Fran's one-day on the job as a nanny for a wealthy man's son results in the child prodigy giving up the piano.

The widow (guest star Pamela Lee) of Fran's (Fran Drescher) former fiancé lands a part in Fran's favorite soap opera. Peter Bergman, Shemar Moore, Melody Thomas Scott and Hunter Tylo also guest star.

Roseanne is applying for the new job; the interview is a success, but unfortunately Roseanne has no idea about computers.

Roseanne is offered a temporary job by Dan's boss; Roseanne invites him for dinner; Dan's lonely boss, Burt, comes for dinner and desperately tries to win the family's affections.

Roseanne is unhappy about Jackie leaving for officer training camp; Darlene and Becky attend a party for older teenagers.

Roseanne is disturbed when one of Dan's poker buddies gives her a passionate kiss.

George must explain his treatment of Carmen when she enters a poetry slam.

When Angie meets a former boyfriend who's now a news anchor for lunch, George becomes concerned she might be having an affair.

George considers taking bribes from his father-in-law and best friend in exchange for permission to date his long-lost sister.

George asks some old high-school flunkies (Ricardo Antonio Chavira, Danny Trejo) for help building an office in the garage, but their work falls short of expectations.

Kelly attends her high-school reunion only to find the former class nerd transformed into a rich hunk.

Al seeks vengeance when the high-school scoreboard is named after Terry Bradshaw.

On a bear hunt in Wanker County, Al and Bud triumphantly bag a hibernating bear.

Forced from their mountain retreat, Al and the NO MA'AM guys find lodging in a bomb shelter.

Peg's mother gets a job as a 976-sex phone operator to help with Christmas expenses.

Al and Peg join Peg's parents on a marriage-encounter weekend.

Ray (Ray Romano) invites Doug to play golf at an exclusive country club; Marie (Doris Roberts) teaches Carrie how to clean a house.

Doug feels so guilty about putting down Arthur that he gives him one of his Mets tickets; Doug gets arrested trying to catch a foul ball.

Doug's bowling-team sponsor demands victory, meaning Doug may have to fire his team's weak link: his wife, Carrie.

Doug's memories of his glory days as a football player don't match those of his old teammates.

Alan tries to come to terms with Lyndsey's past; Walden throws a party at the house.

Depressed after receiving divorce papers, Walden cheers up when he meets a woman who looks very similar to his ex, Bridget (Judy Greer).

Jake has feelings for his chemistry tutor, but she has a crush on Walden; Alan becomes obsessed with the journal his brother left him in his will.

Alan becomes extremely emotional when Walden redecorates the beach house.

George and Angie decide to have "the talk" with Max when a sexual predator moves into the neighborhood.

George and Angie hire a maid (guest star Barbara Eden) who quickly cooks and cleans her way into his heart.

When Benny's love (Jerry Springer) returns to town, George builds a web of lies to keep them from reuniting.

George and Angie make a bet to determine who can live more frugally.

Roseanne tries to quit smoking; helping Darlene gets Becky in trouble.

A family Thanksgiving is spoiled when Roseanne learns that her father is having an affair.

Fran dresses in drag to crash a men's club in order to stop Mr. Sheffield from using her boyfriend's stock tip.

Fran and C.C. (Fran Drescher, Lauren Lane) become trapped in the wine cellar during Fran's mother's (Renee Taylor) 50th birthday bash.

Child star Jack Walker decides to give up show business when Fran tells him he should be doing the things normal children do.

Sylvia (Renee Taylor) is offended when Fran (Fran Drescher) refuses to wear a mink coat she inherited from her Aunt Mimma. With Charles Shaughnessy.

Dottie makes an unexpected connection when she meets a fellow stroke survivor at physical therapy; Bob and Douglas try to keep tabs on Christina while she's away at an emotional wellness spa.

Bob makes things worse after interfering in Goodwin and Kofo's ongoing spat; Abishola puts her pride on the line when she realizes she's been an inattentive friend to Kemi.

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Paid programming.

Jonathan (Michael Landon) alerts the citizens of a small coastal town to the pollution dangers of a nearby factory. With Victor French.

When Jonathan is called away, Mark visits his former partner and uncovers a family secret; guest Shannen Doherty.

Tim agrees to help Malcolm find a doctor to remove his tattoo, as long as Malcolm takes Tim's sister out on a date.

With Malcolm in love and Eddie considering a job offer in another city, the guys decide to dissolve their partnership.

Steve signs up gorgeous twins (Rosey and Renee Tenison) to replace Cedric and Lovita as his roommates.

Steve and Regina clash when they share an office; Cedric loses his sex drive after a computer program predicts that his and Lovita's child will be ugly.

Mark (Mark Curry) masquerades as a masseuse at a spa in order to spy on Vanessa (Holly Robinson Peete).

After the DJ pulls a no-show at the school dance, Mark must fill in even though Vanessa expects him at the ballet.

Fran (Fran Drescher) realizes just how much she misses her mother when Sylvia (Renee Taylor) buys a condo in Boca Raton, Fla. Guest stars: Miss Universe Alicia Machado and Miss USA Brook Lee.

Fran (Fran Drescher) hopes to turn Maxwell's (Charles Shaughnessy) business trip to London into a romantic getaway for the two of them. Celine Dion appears as herself.

The Conner family holds a contest to see who can play the scariest Halloween trick.

Roseanne has a Broadway style fantasy after seeking a peaceful moment in the bathtub.

Dan's and Roseanne's parents come to Lanford for a big Thanksgiving Day celebration.

Roseanne tries to talk Darlene into reciting her prize-winning poem to the entire school.

George and Angie consider asking Jason to move out when they learn he and Carmen have become more intimate.

George acts as Jason's sports agent when NFL quarterbacks Daunte Culpepper and Donovan McNabb stop by to draft Jason; Carmen and Los Lobos guitarist Cesar Rosas stir things up at George's family birthday bash.

Disaster strikes when George's mom forgets about a lit cigarette. Carmen is determined to marry her boyfriend Jason and have a baby, much to George and Angie's dismay.

Carmen insists that she and Jason get married and have a baby so they can stay together.

Bud's life literally depends on getting Kelly to finish the exercise video she is signed to do.

Bud unwittingly tapes a mobster's confession while shooting Kelly's video.

Al and archenemy Floyd decide to go national with Bud's school project, a "Women of Trumaine" calendar.

Kelly and friends seduce Bud and his fraternity brothers out of their spring break tickets to Fort Lauderdale.

Al concocts a scheme to have Kelly win the $100,000 prize in the beauty contest he is judging.

Jefferson gets a tattoo that he hopes will please Marcy, but the tattoo artist makes a little mistake.

Big Brother Doug (Kevin James) tries anything to impress his new protégé, including entering a 10K run. With Leah Remini and Patton Oswalt.

An embarrassed Doug discovers that Carrie buys his clothes at big and tall shops, so he vows to lose 30 pounds.

Doug sets up Stephanie with Carrie's boss so he can watch the Super Bowl on a high-definition television.

Carrie and Doug try to find a date for Deacon so they can all golf together as a foursome at the country club.

After being released from the hospital, Alan is confronted with challenges that test his mental stability.

Walden meets an attractive British woman but remains hesitant to start dating.

Bridget (Judy Greer) reappears in Walden's life as he is trying to impress a new love interest.

Alan develops a crush on Walden's visiting mother; a secret comes out about Walden's past.

George teaches Max to play the guitar but regrets it when Max moves on without him and joins a rock band.

When she cannot smoke, Benny's nicotine withdrawal symptoms drive George to self-destructive behavior.

The family's new neighbor decorates his front lawn with an offensive art display; an old friend takes an interest in George and Angie's niece.

Vic wants George to play in a father-son golf tournament against a longtime rival and his son, Oscar de la Hoya.